MISS DENISE LAWSON-JOHNSTON, of New York and London society. Empty headed as a bag of loon shit, this completely fabricated construct would have you believe she is sitting in front of a swimming pool and not in a photo studio. Discriminating in her choice of cigarettes, Miss Lawson-Johnston says “I even sit this way when no one is watching me, although that never happens.”
Shadows fall in three different directions in this pasteup from the American Tobacco Company – her legs, the diving board, and the umbrellas all have different shadows. This ad is more surreal than most of the Herbert Tareyton efforts from the Fifties; it reminds me of some of the scenes in JG Ballard’s Vermilion Sands, that portrayal of languid, bored rich people who sculpt clouds, sail “land yachts” on the desert and grow lethal singing flowers when they are not expiring from ennui or sports car accidents.
Pasteup or not, she still discriminates, but perhaps not only by choosing the cork tip of the Tareyton. I think the way to deal with her is to follow the lead set by Damon Knight in his classic food story from the 1950s, To Serve Man, and after thinking about how to approach Miss Lawson-Johnston, we decided to present her in her own habitat, that is – DROWNED, or marinated, as it is sometimes also called in cooking circles.
1 large standing rib roast from a prime socialite (about 5 pounds, so you’ll need a socialite roughly the size of Ethyl Merman)
1 cup dry red wine
1/2 cup chopped onion
1/4 cup lemon juice
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
1/2 teaspoon crumbled fresh rosemary
1/2 teaspoon dried marjoram
4 cloves fresh garlic, crushed
1 tablespoon fresh ground pepper
1 tablespoon paprika
1 1/2 teaspoons garlic powder
1 teaspoon fresh diced, crushed rosemary
1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
Stir together the wine, onion, lemon juice, Worcestershire sauce, rosemary, marjoram, and garlic in a bowl.
Drown the socialite in the refrigerator for up to 24 hours, turning regularly. Remove when ready, a decision which is up to you.
Combine the spice mixture and rub it over the meat.*
Place the meat, fat side up, in a large roasting pan.
Roast in a 325F oven to desired doneness, allowing 1 to 3 hours for rare (140F internal temperature), 2 to 3 hours for medium (160 F internal temperature), or 2 to 4 hours for well done (170F internal temperature).
Transfer the meat to a cutting board. Cover with foil and let stand for 15 minutes before carving.
*Note: when baking, if you wish to add a nice touch and you have access to some ham, you can cut it into slivers and insert it into slits cut into the meat. If you don’t have ham, you can always use smoked actor; it amounts to the same thing.
HWÆT! The desire to snare and munch swimming socialites is ancient indeed, as this passage from Beowulf attests:
The warden of Geats,
with bolt from bow, then balked of life,
of wave-work, one monster, amid its heart
went the keen war-shaft; in water it seemed
less doughty in swimming whom death had seized.
Swift on the billows, with boar-spears well
hooked and barbed, it was hard beset,
done to death and dragged on the headland,
And that’s before we even meet Grendel’s mother, but nobody would be likely to call her a socialite.
More people food: