August 16, 2014 Portland – Oregon Police announced today that Portland residents Kim Dillon and Jenn Sakerfield have been arrested for the kidnap and imprisonment of a Hungarian tourist named Janos Szabo. Szabo, now 38, has been listed as a missing person for 17 years after disappearing during the Rose Parade in 1997. According to documents obtained by the Portland Centurion the couple has admitted to kidnapping Szabo and holding him in a basement room for nearly two decades, while deceiving him and convincing him that he had been abducted by aliens. According to their confessions, they did this with the aid of psychedelic drugs which they put in his food, recordings which they played through large loudspeakers in another room, and even occasionally the use of disguises. Szabo’s cousin Brigi, who just arrived from Hungary, said “They told me all I could say is “Nem tudom,” which means, roughly, “no comment”.
Portland police detective Peter Dana said “This is one of the worst cases that didn’t end in a murder that I’ve ever worked. This poor guy still thinks these two are Martians.” The official spokesperson for the Portland Police said today in a general release that there would be more details released as they become available, while praising the police detectives whose cold case followups had led to the arrests. “Officer Dana just had a hunch and he stuck with it even though no one else believed in him, and that’s the kind of teamwork we expect from our top-notch law enforcement officers here in Portland. Sometimes you just have to want to believe, I guess.” Officer Dana was featured on the Fox Network last year for his work on the unsolved “Baby Shaver” cases.
The lead that broke the case came in the form of a blurry photograph which had been photocopied and distributed throughout the southeast Portland neighborhood just off Martin Luther King Boulevard. It showed a froglike “alien” in an unidentified location, but the real evidence was a phone number on the back of one which led to a police stakeout watching the military surplus store Andy & Bax, where Kim Dillon was taken into custody as he left the building. Several customers said he had been a regular customer of the store, which sells sporting goods and miscellaneous military items as well as camping supplies. The Centurion contacted the proprietors of the store for comments but none were printable; the episode has cost the store considerable business. One customer, who asked not to be identified, said “This has really given outdoorsmen like me a bad name,” and hurried out the door with his new old entrenching tool and two machetes.
The photo was part of a series which Dillon and Sakerfield had used to aid in the deception; several others have been obtained by the Centurion and we will be releasing them as part of this series. While in his drugged state, Szabo was shown the photos and the kidnappers explained their contents as evidence of their extraterrestrial origins and travel. (See the “park picture” below.)
Portland police would not comment on any connection between this case and the “baby shavers” incidents which have rocked the cities of Portland and Chico, California in the last several months. The Centurion is preparing a special report on the spate of events which appear to have climaxed last week. Are Dillon and Sakerfield somehow involved? They appear to have no ties to Chico, so the questions continue.
The pair claims to be part of a government effort to hoax people into believing aliens are here as part of a strategy to infiltrate subversive groups (see this article from August 14 in the British paper The Guardian ) however it seems doubtful, given their utter lack of credibility. Speculations abound that they are, instead, victims of this government effort which has caused a great deal of personal trouble for several unsuspecting citizens.
Coming up: the sounds they played to convince their captive. “We made sure we never played any Slim Whitman records.” See next week’s edition for the details.