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Posters Without Films

18 Aug
Eye, Robot

Eye, Robot (click to enlarge)

I think it would be fun to imagine some films which will never be made. Of course, the idea of creating the poster before the film is not a new one; Roger Corman produced most of his films in the 50s and 60s in exactly this manner. American International Pictures spread the concept across the low budget spectrum of the industry by coming up with a lurid title, creating a lurid poster, and then selling the idea to backers who would line up (hopefully, anyway) to finance it. Before Corman and his ilk, RKO’s Val Lewton turned the tables on his bosses by taking the silly titles he was given and then writing good movies for them; thus we have I Walked With A Zombie, one of the best horror films of all time. So the concept is not without merit. Who knows what films did not get made, but under this system we were treated to exploitation films like Beast With 1,000,000 Eyes and many, many more.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you DEATH PLANET:

Click to enlarge

Click to enlarge

This remake of Forbidden Planet stars Casper Van Dien as earnest commander/large chin JJ Adams, Bill Nighy as Morbius, and Brit Marling as Altaira. The special effects will be overblown because that’s just what Hollywood does. In this version although Morbius and his id die at the end, the Krel machinery does not, leaving open the possibility of a sequel.

Click to enlarge

Click to enlarge

I want to see this even if it doesn’t have any mole people in it. Taking its cue from one of the lines in Blade Runner, this Ridley Scott film returns to a dystopian Los Angeles, where squads of enforcers are able to burn time, or speed their lives up and achieve things that would otherwise be impossible, but the cost is that their accelerated lives isolate them from the society they are supposed to help. The resulting conflicts of interest as some of them try to undermine some of the inherent unfairness they see in the system provide the character drama, while the special effects budget goes into the spectacular displays of technology they use as well as some of the events they engineer.

DeadBlogThis low budget “epic” is destined for straight-to-video release, I’m afraid. Pia Zadora and Kim Kardashian entertain with their MST3K-worthy performances as mother and daughter shipwrecked on King Kong’s Skull Island, where they discover a tribe of ferocious dead natives who chase them from one volcano to another, only to escape at the end of the film as the island blows up entirely. Lots of Coca-Cola product placement.

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1 Comment

Posted by on August 18, 2014 in Images, Posters Without Films

 

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One response to “Posters Without Films

  1. Jack Flacco

    August 19, 2014 at 6:52 pm

    Death Planet’s poster looks amazing and really brings out the 50’s theme. I also love the font for the title! Makes me want to watch all of those old movies over again! Okay, where’s my Netflix?

     

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